


Need Time to Heal

by MarMil29



Category: The Host - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M, Prequel for The Host
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-17
Updated: 2016-03-14
Packaged: 2018-05-07 05:18:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5444648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarMil29/pseuds/MarMil29
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arlette Lewis has escaped from the laboratory that the Souls have held her captive in for months. When she reunites with her father and brother, who have merged with another rebel group, they realize that she is not the same girl she was. Can they help heal her? Or will she stay this broken, lost girl? And why can't the Souls invade her body?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Arlette

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sort of prequel to The Host, with my own original twist and band of new characters. Don't worry, there are familiar faces in this fic.

Prologue: Need Time To Heal

            Even before the Souls had invaded the Earth, my life had consisted of running. The difference was that before it had been metaphorical and now it was my reality. Each and every day, I was looking behind my shoulder, searching for silver ringed orbs, sighing in relief when I didn’t see any.  
            I’ve been apart from my father and brother for three hundred and sixty days. From my mother, even longer than that. Of course if I had it my way, I’d be reunited with them. But this wasn’t my world anymore. It wasn’t even my life because I didn’t choose this. I would never choose this.  
           My mother had been taken when I was thirteen. At the time, no one had known about the Souls invading Earth since they didn’t arrive with a BANG! like so many of those Sci-Fi   novels I used to read had anticipated. They arrived quietly, nimbly, barely a whisper of their arrival heard. We had thought, at the time, that she had ran away. As much as it had hurt to think she had left us, I wished that had been the case. That was easier to accept than this grim reality.  
          When we were finally alerted to the presence of the Souls, my father had taken my brother and I and we ran. We had been on the run for almost a year before we miraculously found a group of humans.  
          At first, we hadn’t noticed they had a Soul with them. We had been so overjoyed at the sight of them that when we did notice him, all our joy vanished and we immediately responded to the threat.  
         My brother and father had guns while I had a hunting knife, which I thought was completely unfair. We each pulled out our weapons while, Nate , their leader explained their situation to us. It took a while, but eventually, we lowered our weapons. We followed them to their safe house, which was deep in the forest of Montana and underground. I hated it, seeing as I was claustrophobic, but I didn’t really have another choice.  
        For months, we were safe and no problems occurred. We had friends who basically became our second family. Burns became a second brother to me. Everything was great, spectacular actually. Then I was kidnapped.  
       It was a normal raid. In fact, everything went smoothly until we were headed back. To this day, I’m still not sure what had happened. All I know is that one second we were alone, the next we were surrounded. Everything had happened so fast, it was a blur. I was knocked unconscious and then I woke up in a white room, strapped down and stripped naked with just a thin sheet covering my body.  
       Those months I spent in their laboratories were the worst of my life. For some inexplicable reason, Souls weren’t able to invade my body at all; they died trying. The Souls had no answer and I certainly didn’t.  
       I thought they would kill me but they were intrigued by my body’s resistance. They wanted to experiment and see whether it was a physical or mental resistance. They never did find out. One day, they didn’t secure my straps tight enough and I took my chance.  
      Maybe there still was a God somewhere in this hellhole performing miracles but I certainly didn’t question it.  
      I ran and never looked back. I didn’t have a destination in mind; I didn’t know where to go. I had no idea if my brother and father were still in the deep undergrounds of Montana but I still had to check. No such luck and I began to despair. Then I just got used to being alone. I convinced myself that it was easier and safer because it actually was. I didn’t have to worry about anyone but myself. It was easier to survive by myself.  
      So that’s how I lived for almost a year. Mostly in the forests, scavenging in the homes of Souls when they left their homes. It was actually pretty peaceful. I was surviving. I was fine. But I was broken. I don’t think there was any way to repair the lasting damage the Souls had done to me. I woke up most nights, screaming in terror from memories of the laboratory.  
     This is the story of how I slowly, and not without obstacles, mended. This is the story of how I fixed myself with the help of special people. This is the story of a sixteen year old girl who lets her facade down and lets people in.  
    This is my story.


	2. Jamie

My sister was the only person in the entire world who could make me laugh when I was in one of my pissy moods. Unfortunately, after she got me out of these moods, she would start playing my therapist and demand what was wrong and who’s ass did she need to kick. It was endearing and annoying at the same time.  
“Jamie, dammit. Tell me who pissed you off,” Melanie said, crossing her arms and glaring at me.  
“No one did,” I responded. “I’m just pissed that I don’t get to go on a raid anymore. Ever since Nate’s group came you guys have pushed me completely out of everything. You guys barely let me out of here for some fresh air. It’s suffocating.”  
Melanie’s lips parted in surprise. “I didn’t know that’s how you felt. I just thought it was redundant since we had plenty more people now.”  
I sighed. It was hard for me to be angry for very long, especially at her.  
“I just...I wanna go on a raid, okay? Please.”  
I felt like a child, begging for his parents to give him candy and not giving in until I got what I wanted. But I was telling the truth when I said it was suffocating staying here. Not because I didn’t have anything to do, only school with Sharon, but, well, I sort of had an admirer.  
She was part of Nate’s original rebel group but since we merged we were all just one big happy family. Her name was Sarah and she was the typical beautiful, American looking girl. Blue eyes, blond hair. Nothing wrong with that, of course. There was just nothing that stood out about her.  
Or maybe I was being mean.  
To make matters worse, Jared and Ian constantly teased me about it and Melanie and Wanda were always telling me to ask her out. I didn’t have the heart to tell them that I didn’t like her. So instead, I ignored them and her as much as I could. It was hard because Sarah was a determined little thing. She pestered me almost as much as my own sister. She always sat next to me in class and in the kitchen and everywhere. I could barely breathe with her around.  
“Come on. Let’s go eat. The guys will be back soon and I’ll talk with Jared about letting you go out on the next raid,” Melanie said, startling me out of my thoughts. I agreed and got up and followed her out into the hallway.  
We walked side-by-side in companionable silence until we reached the kitchen. Uncle Jeb was there along with a few others which was a mix of our original group and the new one.  
Alex, and his son, Raymond were there sitting together, eating silently. I always felt a pang of sadness when I looked at them. We all knew the story of how their daughter, Arlette, had been taken by the Souls. Raymond’s mother, Roberta, had also been taken before anyone had been made aware of the arrival of the Souls.  
They mostly kept to themselves; the only other person they talked to, besides each other, was Burns and sometimes Nate. I turned away and noticed that Sharon was sitting next to Doc and she was smiling at something he said to her. At their side, Burns was talking to Sarah. She caught me staring and gave me a huge grin and wave. Melanie bumped her shoulder into mine and gave me a smirk, which I ignored.  
I got my plate of food and sat down next to Wanda who gave me a smile I returned. Melanie sat next to us and we ate, only breaking the silence between us to make small talk. It was nice.  
Sarah, whom I had been studiously ignoring, surprised me when she sat down across from me. She gave me her movie star smile.  
“Hey Jamie. I was wondering if you wanted to go over the notes from class earlier today?” she asked brightly.  
“Of course he would,” answered Melanie. I gave her a glare that she didn’t notice.  
“That’s great,” replied Sarah, getting up and bouncing away.  
I turned around, ready to unleash my anger on her, when there was a commotion at the end of the hall. It was Jared, Ian, Blake, Tom and a few others. They’d come back from the raid. Melanie jumped up from her seat and ran into Jared’s arms, kissing him full on the mouth. I couldn’t help but smile, no matter how annoyed I was at the moment with her. Ian walked straight towards Wanda, ruffling my hair on the way, and picked her up in a hug. He twirled her around causing her to shriek and grip his shirt tightly. He laughed and kissed her softly.  
“Hey there,” he said softly.  
“Hey yourself,” she replied, kissing him back enthusiastically, making me turn away in embarrassment. I was happy that they were happy; that didn’t mean that I wanted to witness their happiness.  
“Hey kiddo,” said Jared, giving me a hug.  
“Hey weirdo,” I replied with a grin. His hand shot out to grab me in a chokehold but I evaded him easily and hid behind Melanie.  
“Hiding behind your sis? That’s pathetic,” he teased.  
“What’s pathetic is that you’re too scared of my sister to try and grab me,” I shot back.  
He shook his head and laughed. “I’m not scared of her.”  
“Oh really?” There was amusement in Melanie’s voice. “Then come and get him.”  
“Alright kids, break it up,” said Uncle Jeb, laughing. “There’s work to do. You can play later.”  
There were groans of disappointment but everybody obeyed. Raymond walked up to Ian and pulled him off to the side.  
He always asked the same question everytime he came back from a raid: Did they see Arlette?  
I saw Ian shake his head apologetically and Raymond turned away, his shoulders tensed with disappointment. My heart went out to the guy. I remember hoping that I would see Melanie every time I went out on a raid and always having that crushing disappointment when I didn’t. But I got my sister back and life was perfect right now. I hoped that Raymond and his dad got their happy ending.  
“So kid, Melanie here tells me that you got a hot date tonight,” said Jared with a big smile. I wanted to smack it off his face.  
I frowned at my sister. “It’s not a date. It’s just studying. And I didn’t even volunteer for it, she set me up.”  
“I would never,” Melanie said innocently. “You would have said yes anyway.”  
That was true. As much as I hated her crush on me, I wouldn’t have been able to say no. I couldn’t be mean like that; it went against my nature.  
I sighed. “Whatever.”  
I left them grinning and went to go help the others with bringing in the food and materials they had gotten on the raid. I inspected the elements. There was an assortment of mainly food with other things like: deodorant, shampoo and conditioner, toothpaste, some clothes and condoms. I blushed slightly at the last item.  
Ignoring it, I began to collect the food and left the other items to the rest. I walked down to the area we kept the food stored and walked out--almost running over Sarah. I reached out and grabbed her before she fell.  
“I’m so sorry,” she exclaimed. “I didn’t mean to sneak up on you or anything.”  
I smiled slightly. “It’s alright. No harm done, as you can see.”  
She smiled in relief. “Yeah, I guess. Thank you for catching me.”  
“No problem,” I said, trying to step around her.  
“Jamie, wait.” She caught a hold of my hand, causing me to halt and turn back. She was looking at me expectantly with a slight blush on her cheeks.  
“I just want to make sure that you’re alright with studying with me? Your sister answered me and I just wanted to know if you’re cool with it?”  
I could have blown her off and I almost did. But she looked so nervous and I just couldn’t. I sighed.  
“It’s fine, Sarah. Honestly.”  
She smiled and jumped up and down before throwing herself at me. I froze as her hands came around my neck in an embrace. I didn’t know what to do. It felt awkward, especially considering the height difference. She barely came up to my chin.  
She seemed to notice my discomfort and pulled back. “I’m sorry. I just get a little over-enthusiastic sometimes.”  
I shrugged and tried to reassure her it was fine. “No big deal. We should head back before they start to think we’re eating all the food.”  
She laughed and walked with me out of the cave. We came to a halt when we saw that everybody was in the field. No one seemed to notice us; they all appeared to be busy setting up chairs.  
My eyebrows drew together in confusion and I walked over to where Ian, Wanda, Melanie and Jared were all seated. Sarah didn’t follow me for which I was grateful.  
“What’s going on?” I asked.  
“We’re going to have a campfire night,” said Wanda with bright eyes. Ian smiled softly at her and absently curled a lock of hair around his fingers.  
“The real question is what were you doing?” asked Jared in an amused tone.  
“Nothing,” I said.  
“Really? Then why did you and Sarah come out from the cave at the same time?”  
I rolled my eyes and sat down on one of the chairs. “We were eating the food. The cheetos were excellent.”  
That last part was to piss off Ian since he always got them for Wanda. It worked; he turned and gave me a glare. I just smiled angelically.  
I was distracted by the sight of Raymond coming over to where we were with a guitar. I usually never saw him unless it was time to eat and even that was rare. He sat close to us and gave us a nod.  
He began to strum his guitar and tuning it. I hadn’t known he played.  
I looked around and saw Nate looking at him sadly. Next to him was Burns, who didn’t have any expression on his face. He was staring blankly at the floor.  
I turned away and stared down at my hands. People began to settle down in the chairs and once everyone was seated, Uncle Jeb cleared his throat causing all the talking to cease.  
“Today is New Year’s Eve. And yes, I still follow the days of the calendar.” I was surprised. I hadn’t thought about time at all since the Souls invaded Earth. All I knew was when it was day or night because of the sun and moon. I didn’t really care about months or days and all that. It made perfect sense though, that Uncle Jeb still cared about that sort of thing.  
“I thought it’d be nice to celebrate it and to have resolutions for ourselves. And to be together,” he finished.  
Nobody said a thing.  
“Alright. I’ll start,” he said. He scratched his beard absently and looked deep in thought. “I hope to be able to live in a world where there is no separation.” He didn’t elaborate on what he meant by that and I didn’t really want to analyze what he meant.  
We went clockwise, everybody sharing their hopes and wishes for the new year. There was a shift in the atmosphere when it was Raymond’s turn. He didn’t acknowledge that he realized it was his turn and I saw Jared open his mouth, probably thinking he didn’t have anything to say.  
But then his head snapped up and he closed his eyes.  
“I hope to be able to forgive myself,” he said softly, so softly I barely heard him.  
I wanted to say something, anything, to comfort him but didn’t have the words. Plus, I didn’t know him all that well.  
After a moment’s pause, Jared spoke about his hopes and dreams and then Melanie, then Ian and Wanda until it was my turn. With all eyes on me, I realized that I had no idea what I wanted. I felt like my life was fine at the moment. I had my sister back, whom I thought I’d never see again. I had Jared back, not the angry Jared that had appeared after Melanie’s kidnapping, but the happy one who smiled too much. And I got another sister in Wanda.  
Taking a deep breath, I just stated the truth.  
“I want everybody to be happy.” It was such a simple sentence, a simple wish but it meant everything to me. You couldn’t afford to be sad in this world. You had to have hope, faith, something or else what was the point of it all? What was the point of fighting if you had nothing left in you?  
I could see that my words left an impact on people, especially Burns. I’d never spoken to him before but now he was blatantly staring at me. He looked like I’d given him a treasure.  
When we came full circle back to Jeb, he nodded towards Raymond. Raymond already had his guitar on but didn’t start playing immediately.  
“This is Arlette’s guitar. She loves playing it. But this is her favorite because when she was 9 I took her to The Cab concert and we had backstage passes. When we went backstage, she asked the guitarist, Alex Marshall, to sign her backpack. Instead, he gave her his guitar and signed it. She almost fainted. She didn’t even know the band but after that she researched them like crazy and made sure she knew every lyric to every song.” There were tears brimming in his eyes now but he had a soft smile on his face.  
“She was always playing their songs and she said they inspired her to write her own. And she did. Her favorite song is Living Louder which I’ll be playing tonight. I’m not half as good as she is but I’ll try.”  
I wonder if he knew he was talking about her in present tense.  
He began to strum the chords on the guitar and I listened intently to the words.  
The last note seemed to hang in the air. I thought about the words and realized, ironically, how it could be applied to the life we were currently living. For some odd reason, I wanted to know what Arlette loved about this song. What was it that drew her into this song? Why was it her favorite?  
There were people thanking Raymond for sharing that song with them. I sort of wanted to thank him too but thought that’d be a bit awkward. Instead, I stayed in my seat, talking with those around me. Mainly my sister, Jared, Ian and Wanda.  
After a while, Sarah came up to me and asked me where should we go to study over our lesson from today. I suggested we go to the game room and we walked there silently. I ignored the snickers from Ian and Jared.  
We spent about two hours talking about Shannon’s lesson and in that time I seriously considered suicide. Or perhaps something less drastic, like falling down a five story building and slipping into a coma.  
Sarah kept trying to change the subject from studying to subtly hinting at how much she would appreciate a walk with someone outside to stargaze.  
It was painfully obvious that she wanted me to ask her out but I played the stupid teenage boy and claimed ignorance. She seemed down in spirits when she left but it didn’t make me feel that bad. Okay, maybe a bit but not enough to go and ask her out.  
I retired back to my room and fell back onto my bed immediately without changing. My thoughts kept drifting back to the campfire and that song. Mostly I thought about Arlette.  
I never really thought about her before but now I was curious to know what she was like. All because of that song. It was weird and I chalked it up to being exhausted.  
I rolled over and stuffed my face into my pillow. My last thought was of a nine year old girl getting a signed guitar from a famous icon.


	3. Arlette

Maybe I should have learned a long time ago that life was never going to be easy for me. Maybe around the time my mother got kidnapped. Or maybe when I was kidnapped.  
Maybe I should just do myself a favor and fling myself off a cliff. But no matter how desperate things became or how depressed I got, I still lived.  
I didn’t know why. I gave up hope a long time ago that I’d find my brother and father. I came to terms with the fact that I was alone and that’s the way it was.  
I shook my head and tried not to think of such dark things but it was hard. It was hard when I was all by myself with no one to talk to, I was stuck inside my mind. It was a terrible place to be so I tried to keep myself as busy as possible.  
I was currently setting up camp in some forest, somewhere that I didn’t really care to know. I sighed and twisted my neck to the side, hearing a satisfying crack. I took off my sweaty tank top and laid it out on a branch nearby, making a mental note to wash it after dinner.  
Dinner consisted of a squirrel I caught earlier. I washed it as thoroughly as possible and then started a fire. I only got one splinter as I rubbed the two pieces of wood together, which I considered a victory. I usually got about a dozen, making my hand swell.  
As I waited for the squirrel to be thoroughly cooked, I thought about my brother, Raymond, whose brown eyes would crinkle at the corners at my stupid jokes, or how he’d scowl when I would ruffle his perfectly styled blonde hair.  
I thought about my dad who loved joking around with my mother and how he was so carefree with my brother and I. Then I remembered the blank look in his eyes as he realized his wife had been kidnapped. His green eyes never shined as brightly after; they had a dull quality to them that always made my heart feel like there was a hand squeezing it.  
I turned the squirrel absently to get the other side cooked well. I stared into the flickering flames and my hand reached out on its own accord. The closer my hand got, the more I could feel the heat emitting from it.  
Strangely, it wasn’t uncomfortable. It was getting painful, sure, I still felt pain after all.  
But I felt no discomfort in it. I brought my hand until it was directly over the flames and held it there until I couldn’t take it anymore. I got up and walked over to the lake and held it underwater. I gritted my teeth at the sting but otherwise, I was fine.  
I caught my reflection in the water. I looked the same but there was something haunting about it. My cheeks were hollow and I was extremely pale, a sick pale. It made my emerald eyes seem larger on my too thin face. My thick black hair hung around my face and I rolled back on my heels so I wouldn’t have to look at myself.  
I already knew how damaged I was on the inside; I didn’t want to see how broken I was on the outside, too. I rubbed the stray tear that had fallen onto my cheek furiously with my recently burned hand, and welcomed the pain.  
I looked at my hand and knew it was going to scar. It was already transforming into a scab. I took a deep breath to hold myself together and walked back to my campsite.  
I ate quickly, seeing as it was becoming dark, and slid out of my jeans. I grabbed my shirt off the branch and took both items back to the lake and washed them, rubbing the dirt and grime off of them. They were the only clothes I had on me.  
I hung them on the tree nearest to me after and I laid down on the ground. It wasn’t that hard or maybe I was just used to it. It took me a while to fall asleep because I already knew what to expect the moment I slept. The last thing I saw before darkness overtook me was a bright flash across the sky, that reminded me of a shooting star.  
It started out the same as all my nightmares: I was back in the laboratory the Souls had held me hostage in for more than half a year. I was lying down on a metal table, I could feel the cold emitting through the sheet coursing through my body.  
There was a ringing silence in the white room with the fluorescent lights. They were bright, so bright they hurt my eyes. I looked around me but there was no one else. There were no windows, just four white walls. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply through my nose, willing myself not to panic. The room is big enough, there’s enough air to breathe in, I repeated this mantra again and again in my head to control my claustrophobia.  
It worked, slowly, and then I was able to open my eyes.  
There was a beeping sound and then a swooshing noise as a door opened to my right. I strained my neck to see who it was but couldn’t tell. I felt, rather than heard, the person move around and heard a clinking of what I suspected were needles.  
The person made their way to where I was and I was able to make out their features. My breathing stopped, my heart stopped. Everything stopped. I stopped being.  
My mother stared back at me with silver ringed orbs circling her eyes and I woke up, turning on my side to throw up.  
When I was done puking my guts out, I sat up shakily and pushed my sticky hair out of my face. I needed a shower, I decided.  
I got up slowly and walked clumsily through the dark to the lake. I peeled off my clothes and jumped into the freezing lake. I came up for air, gasping loudly and quickly scrubbed my body to get clean. I finished fairly quickly and got out the lake, the air drying me off. My teeth were chattering from the cold and my mind was still reeling from my nightmare. No matter how many times I dreamed it, it still killed me. Because they weren’t just nightmares; they were memories.  
Memories from my time at the laboratory where they prodded me and poked me with needles with foreign substances. More of a torture chamber than a lab but the Souls said I was an experiment. They even stripped me of my name and called me “Test Subject 1: UnKnown”.  
I sat back down on the ground but didn’t dare go back to sleep. I figured I got a good three hours rest anyway. I didn’t sleep much these days. Couldn’t really. Not with all the bullshit in my head.  
So I sat there until the sun came up, making me guess it was about six o’ clock. I gathered and packed my things and headed toward the path I’ve been following for weeks now, with no destination in mind. The farther away I was from civilization, the safer I was.  
I walked aimlessly for hours, making sure not to think or feel or...do much of anything. I came to a stop when I saw that the forest cut off abruptly. I looked behind me in confusion. The forest was there but in front of me there was just...desert.  
It was extremely weird but instead of doing the smart thing, say walking back into the shade of the trees, I continued out into the desert. It went on for miles, as far as I could see. It wasn’t hot but maybe that was because it was still early morning. Although, I did notice it getting exceptionally hotter in the forest the more I walked.  
I didn’t think much of it at the time, but now I guessed it had to do with the desert being close by.  
Hours passed by in excruciating heat and my water bottle was half full. Luckily I had an extra one in my pack but I wasn’t sure how long that one would last. I looked behind me but couldn’t see the forest anymore.  
So I soldiered on, my shirt stuck to my sweaty back and my legs practically dragging me through the plain terrain. There wasn’t anything to look at besides a dead crow I passed a couple miles back.  
My muscles were bitching and aching, so I gave in and sat down on the hard ground. My stomach rumbled with hunger but I ignored it. What the hell was I thinking, coming into the desert with barely any resources? No food, a little bit of water and my pack which only had my journal in it.  
I was going to die out here.  
That didn’t worry me as much as it should have. And there was my answer.  
I didn’t care if I died or lived or whatever. The only reason I was still alive was because I didn’t have the strength to kill myself. Maybe, subconsciously, I walked through the desert is because there was a very good chance I was going to die.  
I laughed out loud and the sound was a bit crazed but I didn’t care. I haven’t cared for a while. My life was shitty and I could only hope that the afterlife was a hell of a lot better.  
Or that it didn’t contain Souls.  
So I gave up right then and there. I laid back down, ignoring the discomfort it caused me, and stared up at the blue cloudless sky. My brother and father were probably dead anyways. If they weren’t they would have stayed at the underground camp back in Montana. They hadn’t which could only mean one thing.  
I lay there for a long time, long after it’s dark. I stare up and see that the sky is splattered with stars. It’s beautiful.  
It is a beautiful way to die, I think to myself.  
I close my eyes and thought of my life. I didn’t do anything worthy or memorable. Then again, this wasn’t a humans world anymore. So it wouldn’t have mattered if I had. There isn’t a breeze which makes me feel sad. I would have liked to feel the breeze on my face, one last time.  
Maybe it’s because I’m delirious from the heat or maybe I just want to remember the last memory that made me happy but when I open my eyes I’m back in my old room.  
It looks just like I remember it; there are posters of all my favorite bands and actors covering every inch of my walls. There are also sticky notes posted everywhere with reminders of special events or appointments.  
Beside my bed are a stack of my favorite books piled neatly, next to my favorite guitar.  
I can barely make out the signature on it. I smile, remembering my first concert ever that Raymond took me to when I was nine. There’s a commotion outside my bedroom door and before I could open it, it opens and on the other side are my brother, father and mother. I breathe out shakily and feel a tear escape and slide down my cheek.  
They don’t seem to notice me. I see my mom carrying a birthday cake with the candles lit. I see my father sit down on the edge of the bed and realize there is a body in it.  
Mine. It’s the last birthday we celebrated as a family, when I was twelve.  
They begin to sing “Happy Birthday” and I watch as my younger self groggily sits up and rubs her eyes in drowsiness. She scowls but when she sees the cake, it disappears replaced by a huge grin.  
Younger me throws herself at Dad after the song and he catches her before she tumbles out of bed. He chuckles.  
“Happy birthday, sweetie,” he says and gives her a kiss atop of her head. She leaves his arms and goes and hugs Raymond. He picks her up and twirls her around.  
“Hey, Arly. You’re getting big. I probably won’t be able to pick you up anymore.”  
This causes younger me to pout.  
“But I love it when you twirl me around.” She was looking up at him with a puppy dog expression.  
He sighs dramatically. “Okay, I’ll make an effort. But you have to also. Which means you can’t stuff yourself with cake.” He’s teasing but younger me takes it seriously.  
She regards him solemnly and nods. “Okay, I promise to eat a little piece of cake.”  
My mother hits him on the arm. “He’s kidding, Arlette. You can eat as much as you want and he’ll still be able to twirl you around.”  
Younger me mouth sets into a thin line. “Promise?”  
My brother smiles. “Forever.”  
Then she smiles brightly and launches herself at my mother, causing the cake to fall to the floor. She grins innocently at them but I remember what I was thinking at that time. That they wouldn’t do anything because it was my birthday and we had a rule that for those twenty four hours of said person’s birthday, there were no rules. Nobody went to work or school and we did what the birthday person wanted, so long as it was within reason.  
I’m smiling and crying at the same time as I watch the memory unfold before me. It’s the last memory I remember being truly happy in.  
After my mother got kidnapped (although we hadn’t known that at the time) my life pretty much went to shit.  
I was pulled out of my memory or hallucination or whatever the hell it was by a sound.  
I jumped up and had my knife at the ready. My body protested at the sudden movement but I was in fight mode. My eyes hurt at the bright light and I didn’t even have time to think that I actually slept through the night with no nightmares because of the blind panic I was in. I looked around for the threat but instead saw something entirely different from what I was expecting.  
My knife dropped onto the ground with a clatter but I barely heard it. The earth seemed to have stopped moving along with my heartbeat.  
There were a number of faceless strangers but there was only one person there I cared about seeing. I had to say his name to make sure I wasn’t still dreaming or hallucinating.  
Before I could say anything, he took a tentative step forward, his blonde hair shining in the sunlight. His brown eyes were wide with disbelief and barely contained hope.  
“Arlette,” he said in a choked whisper.  
I tried to say something back, to confirm that I was Arlette I think, but instead I fainted.


	4. Jamie

I wasn’t as focused on the game as I should have been, which is why I was knocked down when a body crashed into mine, sending us both sprawling onto the floor. A pained groan escaped me and I heard the other guy go into a tangent of explicit mumbled curses.   
Kyle.   
I’d know his lovely voice anywhere, especially when his vocabulary turned colorful.   
“What the hell were you doing Jamie, just standing there?” he asked, standing and helping me up.   
I dusted off my jeans and gave a noncommittal shrug. “I wasn’t paying attention.”  
Kyle snorted. “You don’t say. Well, get your head out of your ass and pay attention to the game.”  
I shook my head and tried to get back into the spirit of the game. My team lost and I headed to the kitchen for a snack. The only other person there was Raymond.   
He looked up at my entrance but otherwise stayed silent, twirling an apple in his hands. I grab a granola bar and taking a deep breath, sit next to him. I was planning on saying something but words failed me.   
“Jamie right?” I gave a start when he spoke.   
“Yes,” I replied.   
He nods and then doesn’t speak again. I’m saved by the uncomfortable silence when a group of people come barreling into the kitchen. It’s everyone from the game.   
Melanie comes by and gives me a shoulder hug and a small smile for Raymond which he returns a bit forced. Dude gets points for trying.   
Soon, the kitchen is full of people and it gets pretty rowdy. I see Kyle dragging Sunny away from the chaos and smirk a bit. Kyle is extremely overprotective of Sunny and I have to wonder if it’s because it’s Jodie’s body, which means Jodie might still be in there somewhere, or because he’s grown fond of the Soul occupying her body.  
Tom and Blake entered the room, signaling the end of their shift meaning it was Ian and Jared’s turn to go on watch. They did and I watched them go before deciding last minute to follow. I grabbed an extra three granolas and quickly told Melanie where I was going.   
She pressed her lips into a tight line but didn’t say anything, just warned me to not fall off the cliff. I laughed and promised her I’d try not to. I caught up with both Ian and Jared at the end of the hall and we strolled down until the end of the cave, which had a small opening at the right which we went through.   
A blast of heated air hit me in the face, although it was already dark out, the moment I stepped out into the blazing desert terrain. It was hotter than usual but then again, it’s been a while since I’ve been out of the caves. It was late night, about to be dawn in a few hours.   
We sat down and immediately, they both assaulted me with questions, mainly about how my “date” with Sarah went last night.   
I didn’t even try to correct them and tell them it was a study session; they were both hard headed fools.  
“Nothing. We talked about the Pythagorean Theorem and what was Shakespeare's message in MacBeth,” I said honestly.   
“Really?” asked Ian, raising an eyebrow. “Because Wanda was just telling me that Sarah was talking with her earlier about how ecstatic she was that you had asked her out for a moonlit stroll to watch the stars or something like that.”  
Jared laughed loudly and obnoxiously drowning out my groan of disbelief.   
“I did not!” I protested. That Sarah really was something else.   
Jared snorted. “Sure. I don’t know why you’re trying so hard to hide the fact that you like her.”  
“That’s because I’m not hiding it. I don’t like her and I didn’t ask her out. She asked me and I said no,” I said with a bite in my voice. I took a deep breath and muttered, “Sorry.”  
“You know, lots of the most passionate relationships start with the two hating each other at first,” said Jared diplomatically, as if he were an expert on relationships.  
I snorted. “I don’t hate her. I don’t feel anything towards her; not hate, or love or whatever. It’s like she’s a stranger to me even though we talk sometimes. There’s nothing about her that intrigues me or that captures my attention. She tells me all about her life and childhood and I don’t remember it; not because I’m trying to hurt her by being mean or whatever but because I can’t bother to remember. I don’t even know her last name.”  
I hadn’t meant to go on a little mini rant there but I was fed up with all the constant teasing. Ever since she arrived with Nate’s group here, six months ago, they’d annoyed me with all their jokes about her crush on me.   
I could tell I’d surprised them both, judging by the look of shock on their faces.  
“Miller,” said Ian after a beat of silence.   
I looked at him in confusion and so did Jared.  
“It’s her last name,” he clarified.   
I didn’t say anything. I looked out at the landscape before me and tried to take it all in. There wasn’t really anything to look at, besides orange dirt. Or sand. Whatever you wanted to call it.   
It was prettier to look at at nighttime. With all the stars and the night sky so black, it made the stars shine brighter. We sat around for a few hours, and talked about nonsensical things, punching jokes at each other.   
I squinted my eyes, however, when I saw something pretty far out but not that far. It was covered in black. It didn’t look like animal. Whatever it was, was stumbling around for a while and then it just dropped to the floor.   
I reached for the binoculars, ignoring Jared’s, “What is it?” and brought it up to my eyes. I looked around until I saw the black pile, of what I was beginning to suspect was a human. I zoomed the lens in until I saw that it was a human. A girl, to be specific.   
I sucked in a surprised breath. We didn’t get many people stumbling around so close here, the only person was Melanie and that was because she had had a Soul-- Wanda-- inside of her at the time who had guided her here.  
Whoever this was, could mean danger. It could be a Soul, or worse a Seeker, that was looking for resistance and could have caught wind of our hidden living quarters.   
I passed the binoculars to Jared. I pointed a finger out to the desert. “There,” I whispered quietly.   
He took a second to look and just like that, his carefree manner disappeared and his face hardened. Ian took the binoculars and had a look for himself. Like Jared, the change in his demeanor was instant. His eyes narrowed and he stood up.   
I got up too, dusting my jeans.   
“How do you think they found us?” Ian asked. “We’ve been careful, dammit!”  
Even though I’d been thinking the same thing a minute ago, something suddenly occurred to me.   
“What if it’s not one of them?” I asked.   
They both looked at me incredulously, which I couldn’t blame them for. The possibility of a human walking through the desert and stumbling into us was pretty much nonexistent.   
“Just hear me out,” I continued. “Didn’t Raymond say his sister had black, long hair?”  
I remembered his description of her and then the story he told us the other night. Where I went to bed thinking of a girl with black hair and green eyes, with a guitar.   
“So?” asked Ian.   
“What if that’s her?”  
They both simultaneously looked back towards the pile of black, which I figured were her clothes, and I could see the hesitation in them. I could see the indecision that warred on Jared’s face before he nodded, seemingly to himself.   
“We’ll go slowly and check. But we’re bringing a gun and I don’t think we should tell either Raymond or Alex,” he decided.   
“I think we should at least tell them,” I protested. I remembered when Jared had withheld the truth of my sister and how angry I was at him afterwards.   
“Maybe we should just tell Raymond,” Ian said.  
“Why?” I asked, even though I had a pretty good guess as to why.   
“Alex already seems so…,” he hesitated and didn’t finish his sentence but I knew what he meant. Fragile.   
If it turned out it wasn’t his daughter, we would have just gotten the man’s hopes up and he was already so close to breaking. First he had lost his wife, and then his daughter. The only one that seemed to be holding him together was his son.   
“So we just tell Raymond,” I said, decidedly.   
They nodded and we gathered our things and headed back into the caves. I didn’t pay much attention to my surroundings and thought of how Raymond would react to this news. He was much more put together than his father but I didn’t want to get his hopes up either.   
But I knew telling him was better than omitting the truth. I prayed, to whatever God that was still out there, that it was her. It had to be her.   
It wasn’t fair to Raymond and his Dad to continue suffering.   
We entered the kitchen, and all talking immediately ceased. That could be because of the tension radiating off of both Ian and Jared.   
“We need to have a meeting,” said Jared, causing people to leave. The ones that stayed were the ones that made most decisions. It consisted of Jeb, Nate, Tom, Blake, Jared, Ian, Melanie and Wanda. I wasn’t usually in these meetings but I was now.   
“Raymond, you should stay,” Ian said quietly.   
Raymond paused and turned back, his eyebrows drawn in confusion. Alex stopped too and put a hand on his son’s shoulder, almost protectively. It was the most alive I’ve seen from him since he’d came here.   
“Why?” he asked, his eyes drifting from Ian’s face to Jared’s.   
“He’s not in trouble or anything,” I said. “We just want to talk to him. Completely harmless.”  
“it’s alright, dad,” Raymond said giving him a little smile. “They’d asked me the other day that they wanted me to consider being in the council. I said yes.”  
It was a lie, of course, but it decided Alex who left.   
“What’s going on?” Raymond asked, understanding the severity of the issue.   
Jared nor Ian answered, and then I realized they were waiting for me to explain.   
“It was your idea,” said Ian. “You get the honor of telling him.”  
I really didn’t want to but they weren’t really giving me a choice. Melanie was looking at me worriedly and I sent her a reassuring smile.   
I cleared my throat and spared a look at Raymond. “Um, well you see. We were out on watch and we...saw something.”  
I almost wanted to slap myself. I nearly did, when I saw Raymond’s understandably confused expression.   
“There’s a person out there,” I blurted out in a single breath.   
“Okay,” he said slowly, still not getting it. “Do you guys need my help with that or what?”  
“I think it’s Arlette,” I said quietly.  
The change was instant. His face paled and he grabbed onto the table next to him for support as he held himself up.   
“What?” he whispered. “How is that possible? What would she be doing all the way out here? How do you know it’s her? You’ve never even seen her.”  
“I’m going off on the description you’ve given us,” I said. Now, that I had told him, I was realizing what a stupid idea this was. We should have just gone without telling anyone.   
What if it was a Soul? Or, I barely wanted to think it, what if it was her and she had a Soul in her? We could take the Soul out, thanks to Wanda who has told us the process of the procedure, but what if she was gone like Jodie? And Raymond and his Dad would have to live like Kyle.  
Raymond was still gripping the edge of the table as if it were a life saver. Then he straightened up, standing rigidly his shoulders tensed. His face changed into one of determination and he nodded.   
“Let’s go,” he said.   
No one said anything so we followed him out of the kitchen and into the hallway. I followed and was glad when no one, like my sister, called me back to stay.   
“Should we take the car?” asked Ian.  
Jared shook his head. “No, she’s pretty close.”  
“You’re sure it’s a girl?” asked Raymond tightly. He ran his hand through his blond hair in frustration making it stick up messily.   
“Yes,” I answered.   
Conversation ceased after that and we walked through the door that led outside. I saw Raymond grab the binoculars and Jared pointed him in the direction where we saw whom we presumed was Arlette.   
After a moment, Robert put the binoculars down and looked at me. I couldn’t hold his stare and looked away.   
“Can you tell if it’s her?” asked Wanda gently.   
He shook his head. “I can’t tell. It could be, I mean she has black hair. But a lot of people have black hair.”  
He was trying not to get his hopes up, I realized. It made me feel that much more terrible about all this. I couldn’t even remember why I wanted to tell him.   
“If it’s her,” whispered Raymond. “Then this will change everything.”  
His voice was too low for the others to have heard but I did since I was right next to him.   
“What’s it going to change?” I asked. This was the most I’d ever heard him speak and took advantage.   
“My dad for one,” he said sadly. I nodded.   
“Me for another,” he added. “And Burns.”  
“Burns?” I asked.   
“They were close. And Burns blames himself for her kidnapping. Which is ridiculous since he wasn’t even with her.”  
“So he blames himself because he wasn’t there and if he had been, he probably could have saved her,” I guessed.   
“Yeah,” said Raymond. He was staring across the terrain, at the girl I assumed. I couldn’t read the expression on his face.   
There was barely contained hope mingled with frustration.   
“We should have taken the car,” he muttered. “Would have been faster.”  
That was true. But for one, we didn’t want to waste gas. Besides, she was only about five miles out.   
“Raymond,” said Wanda hesitantly. “I want to apologize.”  
“You don’t have to apologize,” said Ian sharply, seeming to instantly know what she was going to apologize for.  
“For what?” asked Raymond.   
“The Souls invading Earth,” she said softly.  
Raymond just shrugged. “I don’t blame you.”  
Uncle Jeb had been quiet this whole time but now he spoke up.  
“She doesn’t seem to be moving,” he pointed out.   
We were a lot closer now and the details were easier to make out. Uncle Jeb was right; she was just laying there. I couldn’t tell if she was even breathing.   
Raymond dropped the binoculars and ran.   
“Shit,” muttered Jared, going after him.  
We all began to run. In the time it had taken us to walk, the sun had peeked up and was now bearing down on us, bringing with it rolls of heat.   
When we reached the girl, Raymond skidded to a stop and stared down at the girl. He didn’t seem to be moving anytime soon so I walked closer to the girl.   
She was pale, really pale. Like a corpse.   
But she was breathing. And there was the weirdest smile on her face.   
It wasn’t happy, more like...accepting. What was she accepting?   
My foot snapped a branch and quicker than I can process, the girl was up and off the ground with a knife in hand.   
Her big green eyes struggled to make us out in the bright daylight. Her eyes roam across each of us and I suddenly feel as if I were the prey. There was something wild about this girl.  
Wild and beautiful.   
There was no denying it. Even with her clothes hanging loosely on her and raggedy looking, she was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. There was also something haunting and sad about her. It was in her eyes, all that sadness; made her seem older than she was.   
Her body froze when she found Raymond. It seemed as an electric bolt went through her and her knife clattered to the ground. I considered grabbing it for a second but decided against it. I was pretty strong but there was just something about her that told me that she would kick my ass in a second if I went near her.   
I heard Raymond make a choking sound and turned to look at him, seeing his brown eyes wide with hope. He took a step forward and I turned to look at the girl, who I knew was Arlette by Robert’s reaction.   
“Arlette,” he whispered quietly, his voice breaking at the end.   
Arlette opened her mouth but before she said anything, she crumpled to the floor. I moved in an instant, faster than I ever had in my life, and caught her before her head could crack against the hard dirt floor.   
She was light in my arms and then she was ripped away by another set of arms.   
Raymond.   
He was staring down at her with a scared expression and pushed her hair out of her face.   
“I think she’s dehydrated,” said Uncle Jeb, stepping forward to hand him a water bottle.   
Raymond looked up and took it from him gratefully. He hoisted Arlette higher into his arms and with his other hand, opened the water bottle and began dribbling water on her lips.   
I realized, belatedly, that I was still on the ground and stood up slowly.   
She didn’t wake up at first but her lips did part and she started chugging down on the water. Then it was as if a flip switched and she stood up, almost falling down but Raymond had a solid grip on her arm.   
She stared at him with wide eyes.  
“Raymond?” she questioned, her voice sounding as if she hadn’t used it in a while.  
“Hey, Arly,” he said gently.   
She took a step away from him, out of his arms and he made a move to bring her back but she flinched. He noticed and dropped his arms, a frown forming on his face.  
“Arly?” he asked.  
She brought her arms around her stomach in a defensive way and looked away from him.   
“How’d you find me?” she asked.   
“We moved from our last place and moved in with another rebel group that lives about five miles from here. We could see you from there,” he explained.   
She nodded and looked around at each of us. When her eyes rested on me, I found that I couldn’t hold her stare. But I also couldn’t look away.   
I was still staring, long after she’d turned her stare towards her brother.  
“Dad?” she questioned.   
“He’s fine,” Raymond answered quickly.”He’s back at the caves.”  
“Oh,” she said. She looked at the ground and bent over to get her knife. She inspected it closely before putting it in her backpocket.   
“That ain’t a safe spot for a knife, kid,” Uncle Jeb advised.  
She looked at him coolly before replying,”That’s none of your business.”  
Uncle Jeb merely raised his eyebrows but remained quiet. Raymond, however, frowned.  
“He was just helping Arly,” he said.  
“Don’t call me that,” she whispered quietly. It sounded like a threat.   
Raymond stared at her in shock, his eyebrows drawing in together in confusion and hurt.   
She walked closer to me and I stood still. When she got near me, she studied me her head tilting to the side, and again I was the prey and she the predator.   
Then she bent down at my feet and retrieved her bag from the floor.   
“What are you doing?” asked Raymond, panic clear in his voice when she started to walk away.   
“Leaving,” she replied over her shoulder, not pausing in her strides.   
Raymond caught up to her in three strides and caught her wrist, turning her around.   
“What the hell do you mean by ‘leaving’?” he asked, understandably confused. I could see the others were too.  
She wrenched her arm away and drew herself up straighter and taller.   
“I mean that I am leaving and you are going back home to the caves or whatever,” she said, with no emotion in her voice. She was detached, cold.   
“Yes, I am. And you are coming with me.I don’t understand, Arly. This is a great thing. I have you back and Dad is going to be so ecstatic.”  
She didn’t say anything for a few minutes.  
Then,” I told you not to call me that.”  
“What’s wrong with you?” asked Raymond.  
That seemed to hit a nerve with her as she stepped back with a flinch and a hurt look across her face that was immediately replaced with an expressionless one.   
“I can’t go with you,” she said.   
“The hell you can’t!” he yelled. “You’re my sister. And I finally have you back and I am not letting you go that easily. Why aren’t you happy?”  
I had to admit, this was all confusing to me too. I thought this would be a happy reunion.   
Uncle Jeb apparently thought it was time to step in.   
“Why don’t we all just head back to the caves and talk this out?” he suggested, ever the diplomat.   
“Great idea,” replied Raymond, looking pissed yet happy at the same time. It was a weird mixture of the two emotions.   
“No,” Arlette protested. “You can’t tell me what to do or where to go. I lived by myself for a long time and survived. And if you don’t mind, I’ll like to go back to that life.”  
“Well, the thing is sweetie. My conscience won’t allow me to leave a little girl out by herself in this kind of world,” said Uncle Jeb.   
Arlette looked outraged, whether it was because Jeb had called her a little girl or because he was practically forcing her to stay, I couldn’t tell.  
“Arlette, just please come back. I don’t understand why you don’t want to but I’ll make you a deal. Just let Dad see that you’re alright and then if you still wanna go, you can,” Raymond pleaded, and I saw that it killed him to say that. He didn’t have any idea--hell, none of us did-- about why she was so adamant in refusing to go.   
I saw her face change for just a second into something softer and tender before she let out a big gust of air.  
“That wouldn’t be a good idea,” she said slowly.   
“And why not?” he asked, confused.   
She just shook her head.  
“You’re still my sister. You’ve always been my sister and will forever be,” Raymond said, stepping forward and capturing her hands in his.   
“I’ll go,” she decided, which for some reason sent a pleasurable shiver through me. I was glad she was coming.   
Raymond smiled brightly then and captured her in a hug, and in the sunlight shining down on them I thought I noticed a tear stream down her face. When he released her though, her cheeks were tearfree.   
We all quietly began to walk back to the caves and I thought of this wild girl, Arlette, and knew that life in the caves as we knew it was going to change. Whether it was for worse or better, I couldn’t tell.


	5. Arlette

If I was a good daughter, I wouldn’t have agreed to Raymond’s terms and would have left. Hell, if I was a decent person I wouldn’t have come. But I never could resist when Raymond asked something of me and if I was being honest with myself, I wanted to see my dad. I had to see him. Even though I shouldn’t.  
I trekked along the terrain of the desert with Raymond by my side and the others scattered around us in a circle. I kept my head towards the ground and clenched my hands into fists so I wouldn’t hold onto Raymond. His sudden appearance had caught me off guard.   
And when I had woken up from my faint in his arms, I had been so exhilarated before reality came crashing down on me and I had put my defenses back up. I had jumped up and tried to leave, all the while the guilt was eating me alive. Looking into his eyes, so much like our mother’s, practically killed me and I could hardly breathe.   
I’d been alone so long, that I had grown accustomed to the numb feeling I was always in. And then Raymond had found me and every feeling came crashing down on me all at once, crushing me with the weight of it all. I’ve never felt so alive, nor so empty at the same time.   
Feeling absolutely overjoyed and also crippling depression and guilt at the same time were two contradicting feelings I never wanted to feel ever again.   
Which is why I couldn’t look into my brother’s eyes without breaking down. I was already so fragile with all these emotions swirling around in me and I knew that I would completely break, if pushed past my limit. And I didn’t want to find out what my limit was.   
I got that sense you get when someone is staring at you, and against my will, I looked up and into the eyes of a dark brown eyed stranger. He looked away, with a faint blush tinting his cheeks, when I locked eyes with him. I continued staring at him though. He looked younger than the others, probably around my age. He had black hair that curled at the nape of his neck. It was pretty long and I wondered if he was growing it out or if they didn’t have the resources to cut hair.   
I reached a hand up to entwine my own hair around my finger. It was the first time I’ve ever had long hair. I usually kept it short, the longest I’ve ever had it was barely passing my neck. Now it reached mid-back and it was really thick and heavy. I found that I actually liked it.   
“Hey, Arly?” Raymond’s soft voice snapped me out of my thoughts and I flinched and stopped walking. I really need to stop flinching, I thought.  
But it was so weird hearing other voices after being alone for almost a year. Other than in my head, that is.   
“Yes?”  
“I...We’ve missed you, you know? Me, Dad and Burns. Even Sarah, although she won’t admit it,” he said, laughing a bit.  
My heart clenched painfully at the mention of my father but I kept the emotion off my face. I’ve already shown more than necessary in front of these people and my brother. I had to leave and the only way possible was to show no emotion.   
So I stayed quiet.   
Raymond’s mouth opened and closed for a few seconds before decidedly closing it. There were no more conversations after that and we soon arrived at the caves. There was an opening in between some huge rocks and I saw that it curved downward. I stopped and took a deep breath, centering myself. I needed to get over my claustrophobia.   
Raymond, knowing all about my claustrophobia, reached out and took my hand in his and I couldn’t pull away even though I should have. I clutched his hand tightly and walked forward into the darkness of the caves.   
The only sounds were the footsteps we all made. We emerged seconds later into a grand field of crops. I wondered how it was all able to grow and got my answer a second later when I looked up and saw the reflecting mirrors. That was pretty impressive, I had to admit.   
One of the members of the group, an older man with a white beard, saw me looking and grinned.   
“Figured that out myself,” he said.   
He was looking at me expectantly, so I said, “It’s nice.”  
He looked a bit disappointed by my answer but I didn’t know what he wanted me to say.   
There were a few people out in the fields, none I recognized. A woman, with gray hair, stopped what she was doing and stared at us. Well, more accurately, at me.   
Her eyes narrowed and she shouted from across.   
“Another soul?” she sounded pissed.   
“Look with your eyes, not your blind hatred Magnolia,” the older man said.   
When we neared, the woman came forward and snatched my face between her hands. My body tensed and I reacted without thinking. Danger! My mind screamed at me. I was back in the laboratory, with countless of Souls running after me as I escaped. My mind spun with chaos.   
I had her on her back before I fully processed my actions. When I did, I let go of her arm and took a step back. It didn’t matter because I was soon ensnared in strong arms, restricting me. The only thing that stopped me from attacking was the familiar feel of his arms.   
My body was still tensed, ready to attack at a moments notice.   
“Damn, is she alright?” I heard someone ask. There was a ringing in my ears and someone was breathing loudly.   
“I’m fine,” the old woman said, getting up and ignoring the help of the others. After she had dusted herself off, she turned to look at me and I subconsciously clenched my fists.   
“You’ve got spirit, I’ll give you that,” she told me.   
She continued looking at me but wisely kept her distance. I felt like a trapped animal. A wild lion, who is meant to be roaming the jungles, trapped in a metal cage.   
“Slow your breathing, Arly,” Raymond reminded me in my ear. It was then that I realized the harsh and loud breathing belonged to me.   
I took a deep breath and he slowly let me go but held my hand. He rubbed soothing circles on the back of my hand and I relaxed. I let go and looked around, seeing a mixture of strangers staring at me warily or with shock. I felt like a circus freak.   
“Well, you should go and get your father.”   
It was the older man with the Santa Claus beard. He was looking at me differently. More suspiciously.   
“I will,” Raymond said, stepping away.   
I didn’t want him to go but forced myself to nod. He left and I looked back at the strangers.   
“I think introductions are in order,” said the older man after some time.   
“Name’s Jeb,” he said, holding out his hand.   
I looked at his hand and then back up at him. I nodded and after a while he dropped his hand. The others went around, introducing themselves as I nodded absently. I wasn’t going to be staying long so it didn’t matter if I learned their names or not. No one else tried to shake my hand.   
When it got to the boy with the chocolate brown eyes and curly black hair, I suddenly became attentive. I don’t know why, though. There was just something about him.   
“I’m Jamie,” he said in a quiet voice. Then, he took a step forward and offered me his hand.   
I didn’t take it. I couldn’t. I was only comfortable with Raymond touching me because he was my brother and even then, it was difficult. When he dropped his hand looking disappointed, I felt guilty.  
It’s not you, I wanted to say. But I stayed quiet.  
Everyone else was murmuring conversations with other people that were coming by to see who I was. I didn’t try to listen in on what they were saying. I was just waiting for Raymond and my dad.   
I tuned out and went into my head, the world dissolving around me as I lost myself in my thoughts. I remembered when I had first escaped the Souls and I immediately started my search for my brother and dad. I was sick and confused and scared and lost and I wanted--no, needed my family. My first few weeks out, I slowly started to come to and I stopped searching for them. I couldn’t see them. How could I? After what I’d done?  
I didn’t even deserve to live.   
So I stopped searching until I just had to find them, just to make sure that they were alright. I had to know if they were alive. But I never planned on approaching them, much less staying. I only wanted to make sure that they were alive and well and I would have let them be.   
A flash of golden hair whipped me out of my thoughts. It was Sarah and she was standing in front of me, with her hands on her hips.   
I sighed, hoping that she wasn’t going to start a scene right now. After all I’d been through, I didn’t have the time or energy to deal with her.   
“Never thought I’d see you. I thought you had died,” she said bluntly.   
I almost smiled. We never hated each other, but we didn’t really like each other either. Our contrasting personalities clashed too often.   
“Sadly no. I’m still here. But don’t worry, I’ll be out of here soon,” I said.   
She narrowed her eyes at me suddenly.   
“You’re leaving?” she asked in confusion. “What about your brother and dad?”  
I didn’t bother to answer. I didn’t owe her an explanation.   
“What about Burns?” she asked with a bite in her voice. I looked at her and saw the tiniest bit of pain flash in her eyes.   
She still wasn’t over it.   
I didn’t get to answer because at that moment, Raymond returned with my dad and Burns. My breath caught in my throat and suddenly the world was tilted on its axis and I was on the edge, barely holding on. My dad looked different; older and more tired. He had white streaks in his hair where before he didn’t.   
Burns, on the other hand, looked the same. Since I knew him so well, I could see the strain in his eyes. His eyes roamed over me in a protective way and he took a step forward, then stopped, and looked back at my dad.   
My dad was still staring at me, with his eyes wide and mouth agape. My throat was bone dry and my eyes were stinging with oncoming tears. I blinked rapidly.   
I would not cry. This had to be emotionless and quick. I had to leave. Soon.   
“Arly,” he choked out in a broken sob.   
My heart thudded painfully in my chest, but on the outside, I kept my expressions cool.   
“Dad,” I said stiffly.   
He took three steps forward and had me wrapped in his arms and crushed me to him. Strangely, it felt like I was breathing for the first time in months, even though he was hugging me hard enough to cut off my air. I gingerly wrapped my arms around him, my chest constricting with the weight of love and guilt I was feeling. I was a horrible person; I made the Souls seem decent.   
I squeezed him tighter and then let him go. I take a step back and I see confusion cross his features and he looks at Raymond. My brother shakes his head and my dad nods.   
“Hey Arlette,” said a low and familiar voice.   
I look to see Burns with a small smile on his face. His orange hair is sticking up, looking messy, instead of the impeccably neat style he usually has it in.   
“Burns,” I replied quietly.   
He steps forward and I hold my breath and then he’s hugging me close, and my head lays on his chest for a fraction of a second before I pull back and out of his arms. He kisses me lightly on the top of my head. My body tenses and I suddenly feel cold.   
I can’t stay here, I tell my self. I repeat it like a mantra, a prayer. An omen.   
I take four steps back. I cross my arms over my stomach and hold myself together tightly. A hand touches my shoulder and I flinch slightly. It’s just Raymond, though.   
“You must be exhausted. Why don’t you go lie down? You can have my bed.” He’s already pushing me toward the direction of his room. I want to cry.   
Instead, I do the right thing. I balk and wrench my arm away from him. I don’t look at him or anyone else as I say the next words.   
“I already told you I was going to leave once I saw dad.” My voice sounds cold and detached. Good.   
“Where are you gonna go?” Raymond’s voice is loud and it echoes off the walls. Finally, he’s angry.   
I sigh and run a hand through my hair, frustrated.   
“Raymond, you promised.” My voice is still hard but there was a bit of a waver in it. I don’t think he noticed though. I look up and see that he’s fuming.   
“Dammit Arlette! I don’t understand! Make me understand.”  
His voice is desperate and his eyes are pleading. I’m so tired and I just want to fall in his arms and have him take care of me like he used to, but I’m not that little girl anymore. I’m not his little good sister anymore. I’m not sure I ever was.   
“I don’t have to,” I said, and this time my voice is lower and dangerous.   
He looks at me and it’s different. He’s not looking at me like he knows me; he’s staring at me as if I were a stranger.   
“Arly,” Burns said. “What’s going on? Why don’t you want to stay?”  
All these questions are making my head spin. I close my eyes and take a long, deep breath. I open them and look straight at my dad. I want to die for what I’m going to say to him but it’s necessary. I have to do this even though it doesn’t make up for what I’ve done.   
“You have to let me go. Because if you hold me here against my will, I swear to whatever God that is still out there, I will make every second that I am here unbearable for everyone until you are forced to kick me out.”  
“Arlette,” Raymond whispers, horrified.   
But I’m not paying him any mind. I’m staring at my dad and I see his heart break in his eyes and mine dies a little further but I don’t look away.   
“I always knew you were a cold bitch but this is too far,” Sarah said and takes a step forward.   
I snapped my head towards her and give her a glare that stops her right in her tracks.   
“Take one more step and I’ll kill you where you stand with my bare hands,” I snarled in a menacing voice. I don’t know if I meant it or not. All I know is that I have to leave. Right. Now.   
Her eyes widen in fear and jaw drops open in shock. Raymond puts a hand on my elbow, to restrain me or assure me, I don’t know. I look around, ignoring the looks from everyone, and try to find the exit. I have to leave. I can’t stay here. I’m a monster.  
A new person joins the group and when I see his white robe, my blood freezes and I go still. I’m thrust back into the hell that’s been my life for the past half year. There are Souls all around me in long, white flowing robes with needles in their hands, jamming it into my arms. Sometimes the liquid they injected me with burned me and made me scream out in agony. Other times, it made me hallucinate all types of things that I have almost taught myself to forget about; they only haunt me in the night when I fall asleep.   
And sometimes, the liquid made me feel nothing at all. Sometimes, that was the worst one.   
“Arly, hey Arly. Honey, what is it? What’s wrong?” Burns voice brings me back to the caves.   
Now everyone is staring at me in surprise instead of fear.   
“Honey, you’re shaking. What’s wrong?”  
I’m not shaking, is on the tip of my tongue. But I can’t make my throat sound out the words. I look at my hands and see that they are, in fact, shaking. I’m trembling, from the inside out. I look up at Burns and his eyebrows are drawn in concern.   
“Maybe you should bring her back to the infirmary,” the doctor says.   
I take a shaky step back. Burns still has a grip on me.   
“No,” my voice comes out low and harsh, as if I had just run a marathon. No no no no no. This cannot be happening again. They’re human, not Souls. But then again, I should know firsthand that humans can be monsters.   
“I have to leave,” I hate that my voice sounds weak but the doctor’s presence threw me off balance. I can’t even look at him because I really will lose it then. I’ll break and I’ve managed not to so far and I’m not going to mess that up now.   
“Not in this condition,” Raymond says in a no nonsense tone.   
“Raymond, please.” My voice breaks at the end and I hate it.   
A movement at the edge of my eye catches my attention and I see that a young guy is giving the doctor something and whispering in his ear. I can’t hear what he says though.  
“Maybe you could stay for the night and go in the morning when you feel better?” It was Wanda, looking at me with wide eyes that shone with something that seemed like sympathy.   
I shouldn’t, I shouldn’t, I’m going to go to hell, I’m a horrible person, a monster, no no no no no no.   
“Okay,” my voice is barely audible, but in all honesty, I’m tired. No, it’s more than that. I’m exhausted. Of everything.   
“Great, you can sleep in my room on my bed.”  
Raymond looks like someone just told him the secrets of the world and the purpose of life.   
“I can give you something to help you sleep better,” the doctor suggests, holding up a syringe.   
And just like that, the tiny grip I had on my sanity is shattered and I’m not sure where I am anymore. I see Souls, and medicine, and needles and metal beds and I don’t want it. I want it to stop. Please stop.  
I’m also in the caves with the doctor looking at me expectantly and my brother smiling ridiculously but I only see the needle and it seems to be growing larger and no no no no no.   
I start screaming. I drop to my knees and just beg someone, anyone to make it stop, all of it, why doesn’t it stop?  
I am screaming for my dad and my brother and Burns but mostly for my mother because she’s never coming back and it’s all my fault, my stupid stupid fault.   
“MAKE IT STOP!!!” I scream but no one is answering my prayer, my plea, because it doesn’t stop, it’s not stopping, it’ll never stop.   
I just want it to stop.   
I’m still screaming when I feel the jab of a needle and the darkness that envelops me is almost enough. But not quite.   
Because I know I will wake up in the morning and I don’t want to but I never get what I want.


	6. Jamie

“Is she okay?” asked Raymond, staring worriedly at his sister who was currently asleep in the infirmary. She was so still, her breathing was slow and steady.   
“She’s stable,” replied Doc.   
“That’s not what I…” he hesitated and looked at his father. Alex was sitting besides Arlette, holding her hand between his and appeared to not be listening to us.   
“I don’t know,” said Doc softly, understanding what Raymond meant.   
Their words echoed around in my head and I couldn’t make sense of what was said. I think I was still in shock or something. When Arlette had began to shriek and claw her own arms, I was stupefied.   
I didn’t know what to do. Hell, I didn’t even understand what was happening. I saw it, but I couldn’t comprehend it.   
I still didn’t.   
Although, it seemed as if everybody else did. Once the doctor had her tranquilized and her screams quieted into small whimpers, and finally, silenced I had seen my sister exchange a knowing look with Jared.  
I hadn’t thought much of it at the time but now with my mind clearing, the recent events were coming back to me.   
“What’s going on?” My voice echoed off the walls.   
“Jamie, you shouldn’t be in here,” said Melanie.  
I gave her a look.   
“What’s wrong with her? I mean, why did she scream?” I hated that I sounded scared. But I was scared; for this beautiful, wild girl.   
The Doc exchanged one of those knowing looks with my sister that I read as “he’s a kid, he shouldn’t be in here” and it pissed me off.   
A small whimper stopped me from saying anything.   
“No,” it was Arlette. Her face was contorted with pain and her bottom lip and chin were quivering. I felt an irresistible urge to comfort her and I tried my best to squash it down.   
“Arly?” questioned Raymond, stepping forward.  
“Stop, please stop. I’ll cooperate, I swear. I promise.” She had tears streaming down her face now and my chest constricted with immense sadness for her.   
“Arly, honey.” Alex caressed her cheek and soothed the stray hair that had fallen in her face. “It’s alright. You're home now.”  
His voice was firm and loving and whether it was his touch or words that calmed her, I don’t know. But something worked and she went down under into sleep once more. The strain on her face faded and her breathing turned silent.   
I looked around at each of the faces in the room and the pain and agony on Burns’ made me stop and stare at him. He was closest to the doorway and was leaning against the wall, almost as if for support. His hands were clenched so tightly, the skin was turning red.   
I’d almost forgotten that he had been friends with Arlette.   
“She only began to scream when she saw the needle.” Raymond’s raised voice drew my attention away from Burns. “How could it be PTSD?”  
“It wasn’t just that,” the matter-of-fact voice came from Jeb.   
“There were other signs,” he continued. “The way she reacted when we found her.”  
“She fainted. After being in the desert for who knows how long, dehydrated, isn’t a sign that she’s traumatized,” argued Raymond.  
“I’m not saying she has PTSD specifically, but you can’t tell me that there isn’t something wrong,” Jeb said.   
“I know,” Raymond said tiredly. “She’s not the same girl she was before but she’s still my sister.”  
“I didn’t say she wasn’t, son,” Jeb said softly.   
Raymond looked lost in thought and then suddenly, his head snapped up and he looked at Wanda.   
“What could They have done to her to make her like this?” he asked her. There was no need to specify who ‘They’ were.  
“I don’t know,” replied Wanda looking confused. “We don’t torture anyone. We never have. It’s not in a Soul’s nature to do something as cruel as inflict pain on another person.”  
“Then what the fuck is wrong with her?” Raymond raged.  
Ian stepped in front of Wanda protectively.  
“Back off,” he warned Raymond.   
“Yeah, protect the parasite. The monster whose species took over the world and did this to my sister,” Raymond snarled.   
I went in between them both before they could come to blows.   
“Maybe you should get some air and walk off some steam,” suggested Jared, looking angered on Wanda’s behalf.   
“Whatever,” he muttered and spun on his heel and walked out the door. I made a hasty decision before following him out the door, ignoring my sister’s cry to come back and hoping that Arlette would remain asleep.   
I wanted to be there when she woke up.   
I followed Raymond out of the caves and out into the starry night which greeted me with a blast of hot air. Raymond walked until he was at the edge of the cliff and then he siat down, right at the edge. I sit down beside him.   
“Why’d you follow me?” he asked, not looking at me. He was staring up at the sky and his expression was neutral, not the angry one he just had moments before.   
“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “I just figured you didn’t want to be alone.”  
“It feels as though I’ve been alone this past year, even though I had my dad and Burns with me. I just...it didn’t feel right without Arly,” he explained. “And now she’s here but it’s not her, you know. I mean it is, but it’s a ghost--a shadow--of who she was. I’ve never heard her scream like that. Hell, I’ve never heard anyone scream like that. With that much pain and agony, it was horrible to listen to. I mean, I can’t imagine what she went through to be in that much pain. I’m not even sure why she screamed in the first place. Was it something someone said or did or is she just…”  
He didn’t finish his sentence but I had an inkling that he was wondering the exact same thing everyone else was, myself included.   
Is she insane?  
Because so far, every action she’s made has been questionable. This wild, beautiful girl was not stable, that was for sure, but was she insane? I didn’t know.   
I probably should have been feeling wary of her but instead, all I wanted to do was help her.   
“You know, I don’t know who I feel more sorry for: me, my dad or Burns. I mean, my dad just seemed to completely shut down when Arlette was taken. I guess it was too much. Burns, well he just didn’t really smile anymore. Well, he rarely did before because he’s so damn serious all the time. But Arlette could always crack a smile out of him. I think he loved her.” Raymond seemed to be in a contemplative mood and I let him be and got lost in my own thoughts. Burns loved her? I hadn’t really seen that one coming. He didn’t really act like a heartbroken lover; he was just so stoic all the time. What if Raymond meant Burns loved her like a sister?  
For some reason, I felt incredibly sad and wistful at the thought of Arlette and Burns together.   
Was I crushing on Arlette? The wild, beautiful but broken girl that I barely knew. My heart thudded painfully in my chest as I recalled her vivid emerald eyes and I knew that I was crushing and crushing hard.   
I shook my head at myself. The first girl I actually have any interest in and it turns out that she could possibly be insane.   
“She’s waking up,” came Burns voice from behind us.   
I jumped up and headed back inside with Raymond hot on my heels. As we walked, I thought of what was in store for us when we walked into the infirmary.   
I let Raymond pass me on the entrance into the infirmary before taking a deep breath and going in. I immediately saw Arlette and she was sitting up in bed looking around in confusion. She saw Raymond and her hand raised but it was being restricted by handcuffs.   
She looked down at them in fear and confusion and I felt my heart thud painfully against my chest.   
“Why the hell does she have handcuffs on?” It took me a moment to realize that it was me who had voiced the question.   
“It’s for her own protection,” Jeb said quietly, gesturing silently towards the claw marks she had made on her arms.   
Arlette looked down and seemed surprised at the marks, as if she doesn’t remember doing that to herself.   
“What?” she asked, looking towards her brother, as if for confirmation. She looked so lost and desperate. Raymond looked away from her and his face is contorted in despair and rage.   
I see her gulp nervously and she runs the hand that isn’t handcuffed through her hair.   
“I…”   
She lets out a shaky breath and closes her eyes.   
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I should have never came, I know that. It was selfish of me and I’m so sorry.”  
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Alex said vehemently. “Nothing at all, honey.”  
“Dad,” she choked out. “You don’t understand. I’m not...good.”  
“Why would you say that, Arly?” asked Burns softly.   
I don’t understand how she could say that about herself. Yeah, she wasn’t exactly normal or sane but I can see that she’s good. It shines out from her eyes. She’s good. I know that.   
So why would she say that?  
“Burns,” she said quietly.   
She looked at him and I see her eyes are welling with tears. Then, she looks behind him at Sarah who is standing there.   
“What are you looking at?” Sarah snapped.   
I resist the urge to glare at her.   
Arlette just continued to look at her before swiveling her gaze around the room. When she got to Raymond she said, “You promised me that I could leave once I see Dad.”  
Alex makes a wounded, choking sound and I see the tiniest measure of regret and pain cross Arlette’s pale features.   
Raymond’s features hardened and he gives Arlette a glare.   
“I’m not letting you go anywhere in this condition.”  
She scowled. “You promised--”  
Raymond cuts her off angrily. “Well, now I’m breaking that promise.”  
“You can’t do that,” she said indignantly. She makes a move, as if to get up, but the handcuffs restrained her and she cried out in pain as they dig into her skin. Doc makes a move towards her and she immediately recoiled.   
“Don’t fucking come near me.” Despite her harsh words, she looked absolutely terrified and her words came out wobbly.   
Doc puts his hands up in a placating gesture but there is a almost pained look upon his face.   
“Arlette, you can’t talk to him like that,” Alex sounds horrified and I see him looking at Arlette differently.   
“Don’t fucking tell me what to do,” she growled.   
“Arlette!” Burns and Raymond both reprimanded at the same time.  
“Shut up, parasite!” She practically spit out at him.   
Burns freezes and the look upon his face is so heartbroken that I have to look away.   
I felt like I should say something but I barely knew her even though I wanted to. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. She was being downright rude and ungrateful but I still liked her.   
I looked at her and I saw the reason why. She was acting like this so she could leave. For whatever reason, I didn’t know.   
Her words are harsh and filled with a fiery hatred but her eyes looked...broken. I’ve heard the saying that ‘the eyes are the window into the soul’ and I never believed it until now, looking into her emerald eyes.   
“Arlette,” I said, gaining her attention. With her gaze on me, my breath leaves my lungs. She has some strange power over me.   
Or maybe it’s just that I like her which is why I feel this way.   
I swallowed past the lump in my throat and continued.  
“I understand that you must be overwhelmed at the moment and I think maybe if you had some time to yourself, to recollect your thoughts and have some breathing space, then we can speak later when we’re all more calmed down.”  
She doesn’t remove her gaze from me but I see something in it that warms my heart: gratitude.   
“Yes, that would be helpful,” she said.   
“What if you try to escape?” asked Raymond.   
I give the dude a look to shut the hell up.   
“I won’t,” she said quietly and a little tiredly.   
Raymond stared at her for a while until he finally nodded.   
“Burns and I are going to stand guard by the door,” he said and walked out with Burns following, his shoulders slumped.   
“Burns,” Arlette called out and Burns stopped but didn’t turn around.   
Arlette opened and closed her mouth but nothing came out. Burns walked out when she didn’t say anything.   
Her face goes blank and she asked her dad to remove the handcuffs. Doc passed the keys to Alex and he silently unlocked them.   
“Don’t go too far,” Alex pleaded with her.   
She gave a single nod but carefully kept any emotion off her face.   
“I can show you a place where you’ll be left alone and won’t see anyone,” I offered before I could fully think about it.   
I expected her to say no but am pleasantly surprised when she nodded her consent.   
Melanie grabbed my arm before I walked out of the room.   
“Be careful,” she warned me, her lips pressed into a tight line, showing her discontent.   
“I will be,” I promised and then walked out the room and see that Arlette is leaning against the wall.   
“Let’s go,” I said, offering her a smile which she didn’t return.   
We walked in silence that wasn’t comfortable but it wasn’t awkward either. I led her to a little door that I found when I had first arrived. No one knew about the little hole, expect Jeb. It was my little hiding place when I want to be left alone or something which Jeb respected and understood which is why he never told anyone.   
“You can just sit in there until you’re ready to come out,” I said, already backing away when her hand reached out around my wrist, stopping me.   
Her skin is freezing cold and I can’t help the little gasp that escaped from my mouth. I looked at her and her eyes are wide and she looked even paler, which I didn’t think possible with how pale she already was naturally.   
“Sorry,” she said softly. “I just...don’t want to be alone. But I also don’t want to be with anyone else but...well, I would appreciate it if you could stay with me?”  
I nod stupidly, squashing down the urge to grin like an idiot at her.   
“Thank you,” she breathed out in a relief.   
She ducked down and stepped into the hole. I followed after and sat down across from her, in the corner.   
She pulled her knees up to her and rested her chin and I copied her movement. The hole was small and with the two of us, especially since we were both tall, it was cramped. Even with my knees pulled up, our feet were touching.   
“Sorry,” I said, feeling my cheeks burn. “I didn’t realize how little space there’d be for us.”  
“It’s okay,” she said, laughing a bit. It’s the first time I heard her laugh and I want to hear it again.   
“You must think I’m crazy,” she said unexpectedly.   
I don’t know how to answer that.   
“It’s okay,” she said shrugging. “I’ve certainly thought it myself often enough.”  
I bite my lip to keep from saying anything.   
“I’ve seen the way that everyone is looking at me; except for you, that is.” She looked at me with a quizzical expression. “Either you think I’m crazy but have an excellent poker face or you really do think I’m sane. Which, if that is the case, then you might be the lunatic.”  
“I don’t think you’re crazy,” I said firmly.   
She opened her mouth but I cut off her off before she said anything.   
“I think you’ve been through inexplicable things. Horrible things that left an imprint on you. I don’t think you’re crazy; I think you’re broken.”  
For a second there is complete silence; all I can hear is our breathing which is synchronized. Then she looked up at me and there’s a blazing fire in her bright emerald eyes.   
For a nanosecond, I honest-to-God think that she is about to rip me to shreds. But then her shoulders slumped and the fire in her goes out.   
She laughed then, a small pitiful laugh that hurt to listen to.   
“I’m sorry,” I rushed out in the deafening silence.   
“Don't be,” she said. “You’re right.”  
“I’m sorry,” I said again, but this time I’m not quite sure why. Because she’s broken?  
“Not your fault I’m like this,” she said. “It’s my own.”  
“What? How is this your fault?” I asked. “Didn’t the Souls do this to you?”  
“The Souls just opened my eyes to who I was,” she said quietly, almost to quiet for me to hear.   
That didn’t make any sense. Nothing about Arlette made any sense and I wanted to know. I craved to know her most darkest thoughts, her most intimate thoughts and her deepest secrets.   
“You should go, Jamie” she said, tiredly. “I’ll be out in a while.”  
I didn't want to but I go because that’s what she asked me to do.   
“Bye Arlette,” I said and stepped out of the hole and out into the field. Each step away from the hole, from her, made my heart clench painfully. So I try to direct my thoughts to something happy. Like how Arlette remembered my name.   
Yeah, I know. I was completely hopeless.


	7. Arlette

After Jamie left, I slumped back into the rock wall and closed my eyes. My heart was pounding in my chest, making it hard for me to breathe. I took deep breaths until I was breathing normally. I had to leave. Soon. I couldn't stay here. My brother and Dad were impairing my judgement, making me want to stay. Like I had the right to stay.  
I was a fucking monster. So I was running away instead of facing my sins, like the coward I was. I laugh bitterly at myself.  
I wish I hadn't sent Jamie away. His presence soothed the raging storms in my head. I felt clear minded when he was near. The voices were quiet and I almost felt calm.  
Raymond and my dad, on the other hand, just wound me up tighter than I already was. Maybe it's because looking at them worsens the guilt I already feel. It eats me up until I feel like I'm about to throw up the acid that's building in my stomach.  
I open my eyes and look around the little cave. It's not small enough to set off my claustrophobia but I still don't like it. When Jamie was with me, I hadn't even really noticed. He sort of overloaded my senses. Not with his smell, which was a nice woody smell I couldn't place, but with his eyes that shined with goodness or his tilted smile that was sweet and kind.  
I shake my head at myself. I wasn't going to involve Jamie in my crazy life; I had to stop thinking about him in that way. It would be cruel to him.  
I roll onto my knees and crawl out of the hole, lifting myself to my feet. I look around but don't see anyone in sight. I decide to just walk around until I bump into someone who could show me the way back to the infirmary. I don't want to, God I really don't want to, but I have to. Being in that hole for a few seconds helped me clear my head and gave me enough time to control all my wayward feelings. And by control, I mean squash down until I don't feel anything. Nothing at all.  
It scares me how I could completely devoid myself of all feelings and thoughts but it was the way I survived. I've been doing it even before the Souls had invaded the Earth. It was my defense mechanism. It wasn't healthy but it was the only way I knew how to survive.  
So with a blank mind, and expression, I tried to find my way back to the infirmary. It took a few minutes, and I didn't see anyone anywhere to help me, but I finally found it. Everyone seemed to be in the exact same places they were when I had left. They were whispering but when I walked in, they immediately quieted.  
"Hey, you doing better?" asked Jamie, looking concerned. He gave me a slight smile.  
I nod and turn away from him; not before I saw his face fall at my indifference though.  
The room is dead silent and the air is thick with tension. I look around and see my dad staring at me with a sad and hopeful expression; my brother's is angry and confused. Burns' face is stoic and devoid of any emotion. I was almost impressed; he nearly beat me at my own poker face.  
"Look, why don't we just let her leave since it's obvious she wants to. Why force her?" Sarah's voice is impossibly loud in the room and I will myself not to flinch at the sound.  
"Sarah, shut up!" growled Raymond, looking absolutely furious. My heart clenches at the obvious pain that I'm causing him and my father.  
"She's right," I said quietly, thinking this might be the only time I'll ever agree with Sarah on anything.  
"See," she crows triumphantly.  
"No!" Burns voice echoes off the walls. I turn and see him glaring at me.  
"You going to force me to stay here?" I asked, monotone.  
He sighed. "No, I'm not. I don't understand your reason for wanting to leave, but I bet whatever it is it's ridiculous, so no."  
"No, you don't know," I begin angrily but am cut off by my father's timid voice.  
"Then explain to us. Because I don't understand and I want to, honey."  
I sigh deeply and close my eyes.  
"No, you don't," I tell him.  
"Arly," Raymond begins hesitantly. "I've been thinking about reasons as to why you can't stay and if it's because of the Souls and if they did something to you then you don't have to be ashamed or whatever. We'll help you."  
"It's not really about the Souls," I said, which is quite true.  
"Then what is it?" he asked, his voice burning with sadness.  
"Raymond," I said tiredly. "It doesn't matter because I'm leaving either way. Whether I spill my sob story or not, isn't going to change that fact."  
There's a loud crash and I turn to see that Burns has thrown a lamp at the wall. He's breathing fast and heavily, his eyes trained on me. He's glowering and it's the angriest I've ever seen him.  
"Arlette, please just stop with the bullshit drama and tell us so we can help you."  
I've never heard him curse and I feel a fleeting crush of disappointment and shame that it's because of me. Not that I should be all that surprised; I tend to destroy and ruin people, not just myself.  
Sarah laughs. "I've been telling you, Arlette, that one day you were going to drive Burns insane. You could try the patience of any Soul. And you just don't give a damn, do you?"  
I can't help but flinch at her words. They're true; since the first day we met, she told me that she didn't like me because she could see right away that I wasn't a good person. She could see that I would bring the whole world down with me in my battle of self destruction.  
"Sarah, just get out," my dad told her. She shrugs and leaves.  
I don't know what to say now; I feel like the words Sarah said have left my soul stripped and bare for everyone to see. I run a hand through my hair and hate that it's shaking. I have to wonder if it's from malnourishment or the way that my feelings are starting to swirl all around me, suffocating me. I spent this last year perfecting my expressions and feelings into practically nothing, but then again I hadn't been another person or Soul. Maybe that's why I'm all wound up and shaken, because I'm around humans, and two Souls, for the first time in a year.  
"I don't know why you want to go," begins my Dad, looking so sad and desperate I feel something break in me.  
"I don't want to go!" I yell. It startles everyone in the room, including myself. I hadn't meant to yell or say those words. But now that they're out there, I can't stop the storm of words tumbling out. "I want to stay here and be Arly. I want to be your good little sister and the perfect daughter that you loved but I can't find her anywhere. I don't know where she's gone but all that's left in her place is this," I wave a hand, indicating to myself. "This hollow girl who I don't even know. I look at myself in the reflection of lakes and rivers, and for the life of me I can't find that little girl anymore and I don't know how to get her back."  
My dad's eyes are wide and I'm breathing loudly, making choked, ragged sounds that burn my throat.  
"You all assume that I'm messed up because of something the Souls did to me!" I give a harsh laugh. "No, they didn't do anything but open my eyes to the monster I've been all along."  
My brother's face is stricken. "Why would you say that, Arly?"  
I shouldn't say it. I know that but the dam has already broken and I can't stop the flood of words from pouring out.  
"Because I killed Mom! She was one of the Souls running experiments on me and she didn't even know who I was! I yelled at her and I cried, and begged for her to remember who I was but there was only a Soul in there. And when I finally escaped, she was the one who caught up to me. My mother stood there before me, between me and my chance at freedom, and she was going to kill me. I knew that because they'd already gotten everything they could out of me and they didn't have any more use for me. So she pointed the gun at me, and I was going to let her kill me. I was going to die rather than kill her but then she hesitated and I swear it was like she was my Mom for that one second. And it was like she was begging me to just do it, to kill her because she would rather be dead than be a meatsuit for the Souls. She whispered my name, Arly not Arlette, and I-I-I…" My breaths were coming out in harsh pants and my head was spinning and I couldn't see anything; I was locked in the past, on that single moment that changed everything for me.  
"I rushed past her. I couldn't kill her even though it was plain it was what she wanted. So I ran past her to jump out the building, I was too much of a coward to kill her so I decided I'd rather die than be given that choice. But I didn't expect her to grab me and I was already smashing through the window when she did and we both fell over the edge but I only got injured and when I went over to her, she was already dead." We had been on the fourth level of the building. When I had jumped out, my only thought had been to pray it would end fast and painless for me. I didn't think I had a chance in hell of surviving but I did, and now I had to deal with the consequences and the guilt.  
I'd rather have died.  
I can't look at my brother or father or Burns or anyone else in the room. I'm pretty sure they're all wearing mirrored expressions of disgust.  
"Jesus," I heard someone mutter.  
"Honey," my dad's voice is low and broken. I flinch at the sound, knowing I'm the cause for it. "Honey, look at me."  
I can't. Because then I really will break and there won't be no coming back from that.  
"I'm so sorry," I whispered pathetically. "I killed my mom. Dad, I'm so sorry." Tears are falling down my face, and I'm making wounded sounds but I don't even care that I'm crying in front of a bunch of strangers. I fall down to my knees.  
"I'm so sorry," I repeat because I know that no matter how many times I say it, it'll never be enough. It won't bring her back. "I should have died. It should have been me."  
A hand on my shoulder causes me to look up and I see that it's my father. Having him touch me makes me cry harder than before and now I'm babbling nonsense that even I don't comprehend.  
"I killed Mom, daddy. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to; it was only supposed to be me and I know you hate me because she was the love of your life, so of course you hate me. I hate me and I'm sorry that I did this to you."  
"Arly honey, stop." His voice is firm. He has tears falling down and I can sense his hand shaking but he's not looking at me with disgust or anger; he just looks incredibly and impossibly sad. The word seems to vague to accurately describe the burning pain in his eyes.  
"It's not your fault," he said and I give a low, keening wail at that.  
"No, don't say that. It is my fault and you can't forgive me. Dad, you just can't. I don't deserve it."  
A pair of arms wrap around me, and I know it's Raymond by the familiar feel of them. I want to shrug out of them, I don't deserve his forgiveness or love, but I'm too broken and his arms hold me together, if only for a moment.  
"Shh," he whispered, rubbing soothing circles on my back. I hiccup and a whole new wave of sobs break out of me. We stay like that, my brother's arms enclosed around me holding me together, my dad's hand on my shoulder steadying me, and me in the middle, a broken mess.  
I don't know how much time passes before I pull back but I notice immediately that everyone is gone, besides us three. I wipe at my face, at the snot on my nose, and sniffle. I feel lighter, just a tiny bit, but there's still guilt and shame weighing me down. I don't look at either of them; I can't.  
"Arly, you have to know it's not your fault."  
"Raymond, stop trying to make me feel better."  
"I'm not," he said gently. "You didn't push her over the edge. You jumped out and she grabbed you. It was an accident."  
"An accident?" I said in disbelief, but don't bother arguing. My brother is more stubborn than me, and I'm pretty damn stubborn.  
"It was an accident," my dad said, in his no nonsense voice.  
"Dad," I said brokenly.  
"Honey, stop. It isn't your fault so stop torturing yourself. Please?"  
I look away. I know in my heart, that I will never forgive myself and blame myself until the day I die. Maybe even after, if there's an afterlife out there.  
"I bet you're exhausted." My brother stands and helps me up. I get up on shaky feet but manage to stand on my own. He grabs my hand and gently pulls me along, out into the hallway, and down the curved entrance that opens up into a room. His, I'm presuming.  
"You can sleep on my bed," he said, and nodded towards the disheveled bed. I want to protest that I can sleep on the floor but I'm already falling towards it and I'm asleep even before I hit the pillow.


	8. Jamie

It pained me to do so, but I left the infirmary when Arlette had her breakdown. I understood that she needed her family, especially with what she went through. And I knew that wasn’t even the complete story, just a part of it.  
Jesus Christ.  
I can’t even begin to imagine the type of psychological scars that left on her. She blamed herself for the death of her mother, which isn’t at all her fault, in my opinion, but she literally believed she was to blame. It was heartbreaking. This wild, beautiful girl was broken and now that I knew more, I realized that the depth of her guilt and brokenness was possibly irreparable.   
“That was completely unexpected,” said Jared, running a hand through his hair. A gesture that expressed his discomfort and nervousness.   
“I can’t even begin to process what she must have been feeling this past year and the turmoil of emotions that must have been overwhelming her since then,” said Wanda, looking pained on Arlette’s behalf.   
I couldn’t understand either. I wanted to, though. I wanted to be there for her, even though I didn’t know her then; hell, I barely knew her now.  
I looked towards the infirmary but couldn’t see or hear anyone.   
We all sat there for about two hours, making small talk or not talking at all.  
“Jamie, you should get to class,” my sister said quietly, interrupting the other conversations.  
I wanted to protest but instead I just sighed, turned on my heel and left to class.   
As I walked, with my hands shoved into my jean pockets, I reflected on what I’d say or do the next time I saw Arlette. Should I smile and try to make her laugh or would that make me look like an insensitive prick that was trying to ignore what had just happened? Maybe I should console her and lend a shoulder for her to cry on? No, I decided immediately, that’d make me look like a creep.   
I was so lost in thought I hadn’t realized I’d walked past my classroom and was now in front of Alex’s and Raymond’s bedroom. I paused, about to turn back, when I heard voices. I hesitated, unsure of what to do, when I heard Arlette’s name. Biting my lip, I neared the door and listened.  
“Dad, I’m scared. I don’t know how to help or even what to do.” It was Raymond, but what surprised me more than his words was the way he said them, trembling and vulnerable. I was used to him not talking and when he did, there was usually no emotion in it at all.   
“I know, son,” Alex said gruffly. “I don’t either but we’ll get through this. We’ll be there for Arlette.”  
A strangled groan came from the room and I heard shuffling.  
“Shh, it’s okay Arly. I got you,” Raymond’s voice soothed. I guess he was comforting Arlette.  
I backed away from the room and left to go to class. When I got there, Sharon gave me a disapproving look but said nothing. I looked around but saw that there was already someone sitting in my regular seat. I frowned and looked around for an available chair but there was only one next to Sarah. Of course. I sighed and began to walk to the back, preferring to sit on the floor, but she waved me over. I sighed again and headed over to her, cursing my inability to be rude and just ignore her.  
“Hey, Jamie. So what’d you think of Arlette?” she asked and I really didn’t want to answer so I planned on saying just the minimum amount. Before I could though, she began to talk.  
“She’s a cold hearted bitch, right? I mean, her brother and dad have been mourning this past year and now she just wants to leave them? She’s so selfish, not even thinking of them. Not that it’s that big a surprise, really. She’s always been selfish. You should have seen how she treated Burns. She led him on, and he followed her like a lost, pathetic puppy. I don’t even know what he even saw in her. She’s a horrible person.”  
I clenched my hands into fists. I was angry and I was surprised at the strong reaction her words had on me.   
“Sarah, shut up,” I said in a low voice.  
She blinked at me in astonishment. “What did you say?”  
I let out a long breath and repeated myself. Then, I added, “You don’t know her.”  
She scoffed, still looking bewildered. “What? And you do? Please Jamie, trust me when I say that you don’t know anything about her. If you did, you wouldn’t be on her side.”  
I never said I was on her side, but I wasn’t about to contradict her.  
“Just stop talking about her like that,” I said, then angled my desk away from her and focused on what Sharon was saying.  
“Why do you care about her?” she asked. I ignored her.  
“Do you like her?” Her voice is small and incredulous. I look at her and see that her eyes are wide with hurt. I hate the pang of guilt I feel at the sight. I sigh.  
“Sarah, it’s nothing. I just don’t wanna talk.”  
“But you do,” she continued, ignoring me. “Of course you do. She’s beautiful, and she just has that aura that attracts people. People always choose her first. What about me?”  
“Not everything is about you,” I pointed out. How could Sarah actually be so petty as to compare her problems (which weren’t really problems at all) to Arlette’s whose were serious. Not that I wanted to demean Sarah’s problems; they just didn’t compare with the traumatizing incidents that Arlette has been through.  
“Why can’t someone put me first?” she asked.   
I didn’t have an answer for her. Her life was messed up, what with both her parents dead and not really having anyone, except for Nate. He seemed to be watching out for her, almost like an Uncle. Also, I’ve seen Burns talking to her.  
“I’m sorry,” I said because it was really the only thing I could say.  
It was another hour and a half before Sharon dismissed the class and I shot out of my chair and practically ran to the door, bumping into the other kids accidently. I mumbled out apologies and decided last minute to head to Raymond’s room to check on Arlette.   
When I got there, I hesitated a bit before pushing my shoulders back and striding in. Alex was asleep on the chair but Raymond was awake, sitting on the floor besides Arlette’s sleeping form which was sprawled across the blankets. He looked up at my entrance but didn’t say anything. I felt awkward standing there.  
“How is she?” I whispered.   
“She’s been asleep for a few hours,” he said, not really answering my question.  
I nodded though and backed out. I was walking away when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I twirled and saw that it was Raymond.  
“Um,” he began, looking shy. “Can you actually stay with her for a few minutes. I need to go to the bathroom and I wanna get some food for her when for when she wakes.”  
“Of course,” I said and headed back inside. I sat at the foot of the bed, on the floor, and leaned back into the bed. It was quiet, except for Arlette’s light snoring. I smiled. Never thought I’d say this, but her snoring was cute. A minute had passed when Arlette began to mumble and toss; I stood up and went to stand by her side where Raymond had been sitting before. I didn’t know what to do. Should I wake her father?   
I looked at him sleeping, his face actually looked peaceful for once, and decided not to. I knelt down besides Arlette and hesitated before I threaded my fingers through her hair, the way my sister used to do when I had nightmares. Arlette immediately stilled and I drew my hand back quickly. I stood up and went to go sit back at my original place when I saw Raymond standing in the doorway.   
He was looking at me and I suddenly felt nervous.   
“My sister used to do that to calm me when I had nightmares,” I said, feeling guilty for some reason.  
“Huh,” was all he said.  
I decided it’d be best for me to leave and brushed past him on my way out. His voice stopped me before I left though.  
“Thanks for taking care of her.”  
“No problem,” I said, beginning to feel a blush form on my cheeks and left.  
When I got to my room, I saw that Melanie, Jared, Wanda and Ian were already there.  
“What’s this?” I asked, laying down on my bed. “Is it my birthday already?”  
“No, we just wanted to hang out,” said Ian.  
“And you couldn’t do that in your own rooms?” I asked.  
“Last I checked, this was my room,” said Jared and Melanie at the same time. They shared an amused smile.   
“Well, I’m going to sleep so go hang out in Ian and Wanda’s room,” I said, fluffing my pillow and shoving my face into it.  
“I’m hurt,” said Wanda, a teasing note in her voice.   
‘Yeah, and I’m tired,” I said but there was a smile in my voice and I knew that they could tell. In the next second, I was being mercilessly tickled and I begged them to stop, tears streaming down my face. They only relented once I promised them one game of soccer.  
I leapt up and followed them out to the game center.   
It was one of the most vicious games I’d ever been in. Kyle was in a pissed mood and he was taking it out on everybody. After he’d knocked me onto my ass a third time, I got up to demand what his problem was but Melanie beat me.  
“What the fuck is your problem?” she growled.  
“Get the fuck out of my face,” Kyle snapped back.  
“Hey man,” said Ian, stepping in between them. Kyle turned his glower towards his brother now.   
“And here I thought you were all the Brady bunch,” came a familiar voice and I saw Arlette standing in the doorway, her pale skin looking healthier than it had the day before when we found her out in the desert. There was a slight sunburn on her face, her nose already peeling.  
The tension in the air immediately turned from angry to awkward.  
Kyle muttered a curse under his breath and walked away, walking past Arlette but he stopped when he got to her side. I tensed up, wondering if he was going to turn his sour mood on her. Raymond was in front of Kyle in an instant, and he towered over Kyle, glowering down at him disapprovingly as if daring him to say something to his sister.  
Instead, surprising us all, Kyle spoke gently as one would to a wounded animal.  
“You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself about your mother. It isn’t your fault,” he said. Arlette looked at him sharply, her gaze penetrating, searching him to see if he was mocking her or telling the truth. After a second, she nodded and he left.   
Raymond put an arm on her shoulder and bent down to whisper something in her ear, and she nodded. She walked into the room, looking around. When she caught my gaze, she smiled slightly and I couldn’t help smiling back hugely like a dork. I wanted to slap myself but when I saw her smile widen at mine, I couldn’t bring myself to care.   
I felt eyes on me, and turned to see Melanie looking at me worriedly. I smiled reassuringly. Her gaze flicked over to Arlette, back to me, and then she frowned and seemed to be thinking.   
“You wanna play?” asked Ian, timidly.  
She shook her head. “Can’t. Doctor’s orders. But I’d like to watch, if that’ll be okay?”  
“Of course,” I said, “You can cheer me on, like my own personal cheerleader.”  
I regretted the words as soon as I said them; I just couldn’t help it though. She was easy to talk to. I didn’t know if that was flirting, I wasn’t experienced with girls after all, but they made her blush. I blushed as well, and things were getting awkward again when Jared broke the tension.  
“Well. Let’s play ball.”  
The game was back on.   
My team lost which made me feel a million times more embarrassed when I thought back to the words I had said to Arlette before the game. I couldn’t even look at her.   
“You know, she was staring at you the whole game,” came Wanda’s voice from my shoulder.   
“Who?” I said, hoping it wasn’t Sarah. I really was tired of everybody trying to pair me up with her.  
“Arlette,” said Wanda, laughing. My head snapped up.  
“Really?” I said, and Wanda laughed again, but I barely paid her any attention. I was searching the room and found her on one of the seats, sitting next to her brother talking to Melanie and Jared who were standing in front of her.  
I walked over to them, vaguely noticing Wanda following me.  
When I reached them, they looked over at me and stopped their conversation.   
“What’s going on?” I asked, trying to appear nonchalant.  
“They were just asking me if I would mind playing tonight at dinner,” Arlette said, looking shy and yet distant at the same time.  
“Play?” I said confused, before remembering. “Oh you play the guitar, right? That’s cool.”  
“She also plays the piano, bass and drums,” said Raymond, looking ridiculously proud.   
Jared whistled and even Melanie looked proud. Arlette scratched her ear, looking embarrassed.  
“It’s been a while though, so I’m not even sure I even remember how to play,” she said, and looked upset at the thought.  
“Nonsense,” said Burns, appearing out of nowhere and joining our group. “You can’t forget something you love doing.”  
She smiled slightly at him, then it dropped and it looked apologetic. He held up a hand though, stopping her.  
“It’s fine, Arly,” he said, genuinely. I guess she was going to apologize for her earlier comment to him about being a parasite.  
She still look like she wanted to apologize but held her tongue.   
“So, will you play?” asked Jared.  
She bit her lip, looking embarrassed and confused. Then, she turned her head towards mine and held my gaze. I was ensnared by her hypnotizing gaze; I couldn’t look away even if I wanted to, which I definitely didn’t want to do. I wanted to drown in the green of her eyes and never resurface. I wanted to swim in those fathomless depths filled with secrets and memories and wanted to know each one.   
I wanted to know this girl intimately.  
I blushed and teared my eyes away from hers, afraid that she would be able to read what I was thinking from my expressions.  
“Okay,” she said softly and my heart gave a lurch at the thought of getting to hear her play and sing.  
“Then it’s settled then,” Jared said, clapping once. “We’ll have another campfire tonight for Arlette.”  
Arlette looked startled at that, but she smiled slightly.   
She was pale and looked malnourished, but her smile made the whole world seem like a more beautiful place. A more human place.


End file.
